Identity Crisis

I have struggled with something that has literally been with me since I was a child. Now it was easy to blame things like molestation on it or my mother was too close to me but I am a believer in Jesus and I know that this is a choice not cause of genes or some weird mystery of life. Ever since I can remember I have loved dressing up in my mom's clothes and I have  felt more attracted to men then women I seem to have more in conmen with women then men the usual classic things like sport cars and so on, but things like my voice my looks up until I grew up have always been feminine .... I always felt that perhaps I was supposed to be a woman...I mean why would I have these feelings or these desires. 

I recently have been looking on-line at porn...and I have to say gay porn is off putting I enjoy watching more of the solo acts then actual couple shots of men.....and watching heterosexual couples are more a turn on then homosexual... I don't get it I mean I wasn't a hermaphrodite I know that but why do I have a penis....why do I have feelings for men rather then women. Often when I am alone and I am turned on I imagine I have a vagina and that I am teasing myself. Am I suffering from an identity crisis or what is this was I supposed to be a women... I'm so confused and talking to God has been tough for me cause well I have done so much against his will that Its impossible to stop it and still be in His presence. I was brought up right to respect and love  God I have felt him and spoken to him many times but its just become so hard to return to him ...and even when I was with Him back then I would still revert back.....